Abe Lincoln on the $100 bill?

Earl H. Devine, 22, of Lafayette, Ind., was arrested July 31 for passing counterfeit $100 bills he printed on his inkjet printer. Instead of Ben Franklin’s face, the fake bill’s watermark showed Abe Lincoln’s face.

But that’s not why he’s the Stupid Person of the Day.

On Tuesday, he was arrested again, for passing another fake $100 bill, again with the wrong face in the watermark, printed on an inkjet printer.

“The watermark on the bills don’t correspond with the correct president’s face,’ said Jeff Rooze of the Lafayette Police Department. “They all have Abe Lincoln’s watermark, which is on the $5 bill.’

Security features such as color shifting ink in the lower right-hand corner and a security thread also were missing, and the paper had red and blue dots indicating they had been made with an inkjet printer, police said. — Associated Press

He posted bond — again — and I expect he’ll probably try his (bad) luck again.

California man arrested at U.N. with guns, gasoline

Vernon Wilker, 59, of Salton City, Calif., tried to drive into the United Nations building in New York City on Thursday armed with two guns and with a five-gallon container of gasoline in his car.

I should probably just stop there, since that’s stupid enough, but wait until you hear why he did it.

[Wilker] told law enforcement authorities he had a property dispute in California and was coming to the United Nations to file a lawsuit, U.N. chief spokesman Stephane Dujarric said.

Wilker had not yet been charged and was awaiting arraignment in Manhattan criminal court, a spokeswoman for the Manhattan District Attorney’s office said.

Wilker, driving a Ford Escort station wagon, was arrested on Thursday after attempting to enter a garage under a hotel located across the street from the U.N. headquarters compound on Manhattan’s East Side. — Reuters

Vernon Wilker, congratulations, you’re today’s Stupid Person of the Day, and I’m sure that since you won’t be reading this, the guards in the Tombs will pass the message on to you.

Man carries improvised explosive device into Oklahoma City airport

Charles Alfred Dreyling Jr., of Norman, Okla., was arrested Wednesday in Oklahoma City after trying to carry an improvised explosive device through the security checkpoint and onto a plane.

Dreyling, 24, was going through the security checkpoint at Will Rogers World Airport on Wednesday when a Transportation Security Administration employee noticed something suspicious in his bag on the X-ray machine, Johnson said. — Associated Press

FBI spokesman Agent Gary Johnson described the device as an “improvised explosive device,’ but would not describe it further.

Dreyling had a ticket on Delta Airlines to Philadelphia via Atlanta.

Today’s Stupid Person of the Day is resting comfortably in Oklahoma County Jail and faces federal charges of possessing an explosive device at an airport. It is not clear exactly what he wanted to blow up. Here’s a hint for those of you making explosive devices: Leave them at home.

South Korean man dies after 49 hours of Starcraft

Today’s Stupid Person of the Day was identified only by his last name. Lee, 28, of Taegu, South Korea, died last Friday in an Internet cafe after playing Starcraft for 49 hours straight.

Lee was quickly rushed to a hospital but died after a few hours, due to what doctors are presuming was a heart attack, police said.

Lee had been fired from his job last month because he kept missing work to play computer games, police said. — China Daily

All things in moderation.

Woman gets three years in prison for poisoning baby with Drano

Tasha Michl, 22, of Medina, Ohio, was sentenced Friday to three years in prison followed by five years probation for putting toilet bowl cleaner into her nine-month old daughter’s bottle.

The mother claims that putting Drano in her 9-month-old’s bottle was “a cry for help.’ — WKYC

Cry me a river, why don’t you. That wasn’t a cry for help, that was attempted murder, and you got off with a slap on the wrist.

No thanks to today’s Stupid Person of the Day, the baby is doing fine. (Via Interested-Participant.)

Never dive into a kiddie pool

Last Tuesday evening, Cleber Dos Santos, 29, of Framingham, Mass., was jumping on his three-foot (1m) high trampoline, and suddenly decided to dive headfirst into the two-foot (60cm) high inflatable swimming pool standing next to it.

“He’s alive, and we’ll pray for his recovery,’ said Framingham Police Lt. Vincent Alfano. “It was a very preventable accident. You should not dive into 2 feet of water . . . it serves as a serious reminder of diving safety and trampoline safety.’ — Boston Herald

Santos broke his fifth cervical vertebra – an injury which means his spine should be functional above the fifth vertebra, giving him some upper body movement, according to a local physical therapist. — Boston Herald follow-up

Today’s Stupid Person of the Day, unfortunately, is likely to spend the rest of his life paralyzed.

Disagreement on Iraq war turns deadly

A Kentucky man shot and killed his friend after a disagreement over the Iraq war heated up.

Douglas Moore, 65, of Martin, shot and killed Harold Wayne Smith, 56, of Manchester, at a Floyd County flea market on Thursday.

Kentucky state police said he appeared to have acted in self-defense and released him without filing charges.

Another witness, Chuck Newsome, said yesterday the Sept. 11 attacks also were included in the argument, which quickly escalated into an altercation and then to a kind of showdown in front of the market’s snack stand.

After a scuffle, Newsome said he saw Smith stand beside the snack shed, pull a small pistol out of his pocket, cock the hammer and say, “I’m going to blow your … brains out.’ — Lexington Herald-Leader

“I’m sorry this has happened,’ Moore, a retired railroad worker, said. “But then what’s done can’t be undone.’ Moore told the Lexington reporter he thinks Smith and his family knew him well enough “to know what my thoughts are, his family does, because me and Harold was friends. That’s all I’ll say.’ — Editor & Publisher

Well, that’s one way to settle a dispute: a good old-fashioned Wild West showdown at high noon.

Fraud suspect goes on reality TV show

A Russian man suspected of real estate fraud went on a reality TV show. His victim recognized him from TV, and he was subsequently arrested.

Alexei Avdeev went on Russia’s ДОМ-2 (Dom-2) reality TV show, and his victim, from whom he stole $1,900 by posing as a real estate agent in Smolensk, recognized him and contacted police.

The suspect, Alexei Avdeev, was detained right in the reality show’s filming area and sent to a detention center in the western Russian city of Smolensk. He has already served a sentence in Smolensk’s prison colony for car theft and bribery of an official. — MosNews

Avdeev faces five years back in prison if convicted.

Okay, if you’re on the run from the law, the last thing you do is go on national television. Congratulations, Alexei Avdeev, you’re today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

Drunk man gets testicles locked in padlock for two weeks

An unidentified man in Exeter, N.H., got drunk one night and had a padlock locked around his testicles by one of his friends. Then the key broke off in the lock and this idiot waited two weeks before calling for help.

Police have not identified the 39-year-old man, but said that after the key broke off, he tried sawing the lock off with a hacksaw.

He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith removed the padlock. He was treated and released, and the hospital said he had no lasting injury.

Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident. — Internet Broadcasting Systems

Now I don’t know about you, but I not only wouldn’t let a hacksaw anywhere near my testicles in the first place, I wouldn’t let a padlock anywhere near them either, no matter how drunk I was. Oh, and the motive is pretty obvious. As soon as police identify him, please mail a brand new padlock to today’s Stupid Person of the Day to replace the one destroyed in this incident.

Thanks to The Jawa Report.

Death penalty for man who killed wife for wanting to cuddle after sex

A man who killed his wife because she wanted to cuddle after having sex has received the death penalty.

Christopher Offord, 30, of Panama City, Fla., was sentenced to death Wednesday for the brutal slaying, in which he hit his wife some 70 times with a hammer — after having sex with her.

And why did he do this? After having sex, he wanted to watch sports on TV. Offord confessed later to a bartender in a local sports bar, who notified police.

Whether you deserve to die for this or not, you’re today’s Stupid Person of the Day.