A police officer in Hamtramck, Mich., was accused of using a Taser on his partner during an argument over whether they should stop for a soft drink while on duty.

Ronald Dupuis, 32, was charged Wednesday with assault and could face up to three months in jail if convicted. The six-year veteran was fired after the Nov. 3 incident.

Dupuis and partner Prema Graham began arguing after Dupuis demanded she stop their car at a store so he could buy a soft drink, according to a police report.

The two then struggled over the steering wheel, and Dupuis hit her leg with his department-issued Taser, the report said. She was not seriously hurt. — Associated Press

Bad cop, no donut. Ronald Dupuis is today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

Jessica Sandy Booth, 18, of Memphis, Tenn., saw a block of queso fresco cheese at the house of four acquaintances when she got the bright idea to have them killed.

In an unusual case of mistaken identity, a woman who thought a block of white cheese was cocaine is charged with trying to hire a hit man to rob and kill four men. The woman also was mistaken about the hit man. He turned out to be an undercover police officer.

Jessica Sandy Booth, 18, was arrested over the weekend and remains in jail with bond set at $1 million on four charges of attempted murder and four counts of soliciting a murder.

According to police, Booth was in the Memphis home of the four intended victims last week when she mistook a block of queso fresco cheese for cocaine — inspiring the idea to hire someone to break into the home, take the drugs, and kill the men. . . .

A search of the home with the permission of the occupants revealed no drugs — only the white, crumbly cheese common in Mexican cuisine.

“Four men were going to lose their lives over some cheese,” said Lt. Jeff Clark, who heads Project Safe Neighborhoods. — Associated Press

If you’re going to hatch a scheme like this, beware that most hitmen are actually undercover police officers. You aren’t likely to be able to afford a real hitman. And Jessica Sandy Booth, for mistaking cheese for cocaine, becomes today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

[Editor's note: It seems the old tricks still work against new people. An unnamed person in Greenville, S.C., fell victim to one of the older tricks in the book.]

[Greenville County sheriff's deputies] said a woman was in the parking lot of Wal-Mart on Woodruff Road when she was approached by another woman, who told the victim that she had $8,000 in cash, but did not like the serial numbers on the money and wanted to exchange it with the victim.

The victim was asked to go to her bank with another man, withdraw $6,000 and give it to the suspect, and in turn she would receive the $8,000.

When the victim withdrew the money and gave it to the woman, the woman and the man left without giving the victim anything.

The victim was not hurt.

Investigators said people should take steps to avoid this situation, such as:

• Never shop alone.
• Do not speak to strangers.
• Ask yourself why someone would give you more money than they will receive.

— WYFF

Today’s unnamed Stupid Person of the Day forgot the basics, things that everyone should be taught while growing up.

Two Playboy Playmates were arrested Sunday in San Antonio, Texas, when they got drunk on a flight from Denver to San Antonio and started fighting with each other, and then with other passengers. They were taken into custody, and offered to sleep with the arresting officers.

Danielle Gamba, 23, and Carrie Minter, 22, were allegedly so drunk on the plane that they were deemed a danger to themselves and others. . . .

San Antonio authorities say the episode became even more bizarre when Gamba made sexual advances toward two police officers in an attempt to avoid arrest. — Rocky Mountain News

“One of the women started saying she was a celebrity and that’s why the passenger who complained ’shouldn’t mess with her,’ and that sort of thing,” David Hebert, a spokesman for the San Antonio airport, told CBS.

Danielle Gamba and Carrie Minter are tied for today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

It’s rare that a Stupid Person featured here actually returns to the news, but it’s happened. In September, we reported on Sharen and Mike Gravelle, who were adoptive or foster parents for 11 children, whom they were caught keeping in cages. Now they’re in court, trying to regain custody of the children.

One boy said he had to live in the bathroom for about three months, sleeping in the bathtub, as punishment for going to the bathroom in his cage, Huron County sheriff’s Lt. Randy Sommers said during a custody hearing.

Sommers said two children told him about punishments of being shoved or being held under water. In another incident he said a child told of “having his face shoved against a bathroom wall until his nose bled.”

The testimony came in an effort by the parents, Michael and Sharen Gravelle, to regain custody of the children, ages 1 to 14. The youngsters have health and behavioral problems such as fetal alcohol syndrome and pica, a disorder in which children eat dirt.

Child-welfare workers had heard rumors that the couple kept some of the children in cages two years before the youngsters were removed from the home, said Jo Ellen Johnson, an investigator for the Huron County Department of Job and Family Services, in testimony Tuesday.

Officials tried to follow up on the rumors in 2003, but the Gravelles would not cooperate and a full investigation was never conducted. The children were finally taken from the Gravelles in September after Johnson visited the home and examined the chicken-wire cages.

“They were piled one on top of another. It looked like a kennel,” Johnson said.

The Gravelles have not been charged. They say they built enclosures with alarms where the children could sleep for their own protection.

Judge Timothy Cardwell will determine whether the children were abused or neglected. If the allegations are not proved, the Gravelles, who live near rural Wakeman, could regain custody. — Associated Press

Absolutely amazing.

Rigoberto Alpizar, 44, of Maitland, Fla., had just boarded a flight from Miami to Orlando when he suddenly jumped up and claimed he had a bomb in his backpack. Federal air marshals pursued him when he tried to run off the airplane.

According to a witness, the man frantically ran down the aisle of the Boeing 757, flailing his arms, while his wife tried to explain that he was mentally ill and had not taken his medication.

The passenger indicated there was a bomb in his bag and was confronted by air marshals but ran off the aircraft, Doyle said. The marshals went after him and ordered him to get down on the ground, but he did not comply and was shot when he apparently reached into the bag, Doyle said.

The plane, Flight 924, had arrived in Miami from Medellin, Colombia, just after noon, and the shooting occurred shortly after 2 p.m. as the plane was about to take off for Orlando with the man and 119 other passengers and crew, American spokesman Tim Wagner said. . . .

Gardner said she heard the woman say her husband was bipolar — a mental illness also known as manic-depression — and had not had his medication. — Associated Press

Thanks to our friends at The Jawa Report for the tip. This story is also being covered at Homeland Stupidity.

If you tell federal air marshals you have a bomb in your backpack, and then reach into it, they’re going to shoot you. That should be fairly obvious, and what’s why Rigoberto Alpizar is today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

Dustin Scarbrough was awaiting trial for armed robbery in the Roane County, Tenn., jail when he broke out by climbing through a damaged fence in the jail’s recreation yard.

But he didn’t plan to stay out. Authorities say he instead went shopping.

“I was at the block by the Kingston Courthouse and as I drove by I witnessed a white male run off the front steps heading towards the jail. It kind of caught my attention so I watched him for another second or so and when I did he got to the corner and he crouched over,” says Sergeant Wes Stooksbury, from the Kingston Police Department. . . .

“As he ran between the air conditioning unit and the bail bondsman’s office I ran between the jail and the air conditioning unit. They are close together in order to cut him off I went down between those two buildings and got behind the first buildings on the left and waited for him to come around. When he did I caught him there just behind the jail rec-yard,” explains Sgt. Stooksbury.

The Sergeant says he found on Scarbrough a package containing clothes, liquor, several prescription pills a substance believed to be crack cocaine and evidence that Scarbrough isn’t a big fan of jail food.

“Four McDonalds Hamburgers,” says Sgt. Stooksbury. — WVLT

That’s right, he didn’t like the jail food, and really needed a drink. You’d think after escaping he’d go somewhere other than back to the jail, but… Dustin Scarbrough is today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

My mad-scientist girlfriend bought me this book for my birthday and now I’m sharing it with you.

The Lexicon of Stupidity is a 400 page pocket-size book with a vast collection of stupid quotations, signs, book titles, bank robbery holdup notes, and more.

I love this book. Consider the bank robber who handed the teller a note with his shopping list. Or this quote from a baseball sportscaster: “Winfield goes back to the wall. He hits his head on the wall and it rolls off! It’s rolling all the way back to second base!”

Definitely worth the read. I’m still laughing over it.

A woman in Houston, Texas, called the Houston Fire Department three times reporting that her cat was stuck in the sewer. After getting no response, she called back, and said her baby was stuck in the sewer. When firefighters arrived, they found out that “Baby” was the cat’s name.

The firefighters arrived expecting to find a child, but rescued the feline from the sewer anyway. Police gave the woman a ticket for making a false report, a Class B misdemeanor.

“They said they were desperate, didn’t know what else to do,” Houston Fire Department Capt. Keith Ellery told Houston television station KPRC. “They didn’t know who else to call so they called 911. It is not the type of rescue we normally do … but on this particular incident, we felt compelled to kind of help them out.”

Members of the woman’s family tried to rescue the cat themselves before calling for help. — Associated Press

I don’t even know how to file today’s unnamed Stupid Person of the Day, but I would advise her not to try to contest the ticket.

Christmas Eve Hall, 19, of Pasadena, Texas, was arrested last week after allegedly trying to make it look like her car was stolen.

Police received a notification of suspicious activity after witness two men pushing a vehicle on school property into a bicycle rack. The witness also reported seeing one of the men break the rear window out of the vehicle with a crow bar.

An officer went to where the car was abandoned and another officer went to the registered owner of the vehicle. A red vehicle matching the description given by the witness arrived at the address where Hall was giving a report to the officer. The officer told Hall the punishment of filing a false report, but Hall continued telling the officer her vehicle had been stolen.

After getting information from Hall, the officer talked to the men in the vehicle. One of the men admitted to pushing the car and breaking the window to make it appear it had been stolen, according to the report.

The district attorney’s office accepted charges of filing a false report to a police officer, a Class B misdemeanor.

The car was impounded by police. — Pasadena Citizen

It seems to have been some sort of insurance fraud attempt. And Christmas Eve becomes today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

Mardala Derival and Mackenson Dantus, of Fort Lauderdale, Fla., were arrested in Trenton, N.J., Thursday, after being accused of poisoning their three-month-old baby to death with alcohol.

Detectives with the Broward Sheriff’s Office convinced a couple accused of feeding their 3-month old baby a lethal dose of vodka to surrender to New Jersey authorities Thursday, officials said. . . .

“We spoke to them for an extended period of time and convinced them that they needed to turn themselves in,” said Elizabeth Calzadilla-Fiallo, a Broward sheriff’s spokeswoman. “Our fugitive squad detectives did a good job of convincing them that this was the best thing for everyone involved.”

The couple are accused of feeding their daughter, Makeisha Dantus, a mixture of formula, water, sugar and vodka in an attempt to quiet her on Feb. 13, 2004. The infant’s blood alcohol level was 0.47 percent, according to the Broward County Medical Examiner’s office. The legal limit for drivers in Florida is 0.08 percent.

The couple, who authorities said are Haitian immigrants, were not charged until Oct. 28, 2005. By that time, they had disappeared from Florida. Dantus told Trenton authorities that he and Derival had been staying with relatives in the city. — New York Newsday

While feeding babies very small amounts of alcohol is considered a way to “quiet crying babies” in some cultures, killing your own baby by using far too much definitely qualifies you for Stupid Person of the Day.

A man in Mount Prospect, Ill., fell over his second-story balcony and died Tuesday during a spitting contest, according to local police.

Bartosz Drobek, 23, of the 1700 block of West Palm Drive was on the balcony of his apartment smoking cigarettes with his brother and a friend about 12:30 a.m. Monday. As Drobek was getting ready to spit, he lost his balance and fell about 20 feet, hitting his head on the pavement, said Mt. Prospect Police Officer Dirk Ollech.

Drobek was taken to Advocate Lutheran General Hospital in Park Ridge in critical condition. He was pronounced dead shortly after noon Tuesday.

Although his fall is believed to be accidental, police are investigating it. An autopsy will be conducted Wednesday. — South Florida Sun-Sentinel

No word yet on whether alcohol was involved, though I wouldn’t doubt it. Bartosz Drobek posthumously receives today’s Stupid Person of the Day award.

Scott A. Weber, 25, of Independence, Mo., a suburb of Kansas City, was sentenced Tuesday to 120 days in jail, substance abuse treatment, and three years probation in the deaths of two pedestrians in a September 2004 drunk driving accident.

Weber, who had a previous conviction for driving while intoxicated, told police he did not remember leaving a friend’s house the night Roxanne M. Bradshaw, 47, and Juan G. Avila, 32, were killed. Before leaving, he had consumed a half-pint of bourbon and taken a muscle relaxer.

Police in suburban Liberty said Weber was “incoherent and confused” and his vehicle was damaged when they stopped him that night.

Weber pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter, drunken driving and leaving the scene of the crash. If he successfully completes probation, the convictions will be wiped from his record. — Associated Press

But there’s more. Prosecutors wanted to throw the book at him, but they agreed to the unusually light sentence because key evidence in the case, his car, was inadvertently sold for scrap.

The car was critical to the case because no witnesses could identify Weber as the driver, prosecutor Teresa Moore said.

The director of the city tow lot at the time of the mistake, Clay Ancell, resigned in January after he was arrested in a city-owned vehicle for allegedly driving while drunk on a suspended license. — Associated Press

That’s right, we have two drunk drivers today! One killed two people, and the other one let him get away with it. Clay Ancell, who was most likely drunk at work when the “mistake” occurred, is most definitely the Stupid Person of the Day.

In the northern latitudes, when winter comes, one can expect ice to form on top of local rivers and lakes. Many people enjoy going out on the ice to walk, skate, fish, and even drive across them. However, when you go out too early, and the ice isn’t thick enough to support your weight, then you run the risk of breaking the ice, falling through, and not being able to get out.

Three people died Friday in two separate accidents on ice-covered ponds in eastern Wisconsin.

In Cedar Grove, Wis., about 40 miles (64km) north of Milwaukee, Megan Obbink, 9, was skating on the ice on a local pond when she fell through. Her father, Brian Obbink, 44, went out to try to save her, but he too fell in. Both drowned, and rescuers pulled out their bodies Friday evening.

The ice was reported to be less than 3 inches (76mm) thick.

In a separate accident in Lyndon, Wis., about 10 miles (16km) northwest of Cedar Grove, Cody Lechler, 12, was riding an all-terrain vehicle across an ice-covered pond when he and the vehicle fell through. Rescuers recovered his body late Friday. He had been out hunting with an adult neighbor who was unnamed in news reports.

Today we have two Stupid People of the Day: Brian Obbink, who allowed his daughter to die needlessly, and then died himself; and the unnamed adult who will have to live with Cody’s death for the rest of his life.

“There is no such thing as safe ice,” said Sheboygan County Sheriff’s Deputy Jim Opgenorth.

Michael James Plentyhorse, 18, of Sioux Falls, S.D., was arrested Monday, Nov. 14, after being found half-naked lying next to a female mannequin by a security guard at the Washington Pavilion of Arts and Sciences.

The guard observed Plentyhorse with his pants and underclothing down and lying next to the half-naked female mannequin, a police report states.

“There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin. That’s the only way I know how to put it,” Sioux Falls police officer Loren McManus said.

Security staff at the Pavilion say they have noticed the same mannequin has previously been found undressed on several occasions, McManus said. — Argus Leader

You are a dummy. It’s not that hard to have a relationship with a real live human being, assuming you’ve developed the necessary social skills. (But that can take a lot of extra time for some people.) Michael James Plentyhorse is today’s Stupid Person of the Day.