A sixth grader at Warsaw Middle School in Pittsfield, Maine, was sent home for medical reasons and was given a three day suspension after picking up a dead skunk on the way to school and chasing down students with it.

Authorities are seeking charges against the boy for disorderly conduct.

The 12-year-old boy came across the dead animal on his way to school Friday and told police he brought it “just to show my friends,” Officer Jeff Vanadestine said.

“I got four or five phone calls from upset parents,” said Kane, who was already aware of the problem because the boy had been sent to his office because of the skunk smell.

Kane said the boy apparently had gotten desensitized to the stench.

“He came in and sat in the principal’s office, and I said, ‘Oh no. Outside.’”

The boy was sent home on a medical discharge because of the odor and then was given a three-day suspension.

The parents of two girls chased with the whirling skunk want to press charges of disorderly conduct against the boy.

“We are looking into that,” Vanadestine said. -Associated Press

And yes, his parents bathed him in tomato juice in an attempt to rid him of the smell.

Today’s unnamed Stupid Person of the Day is a real stinker!

An Australian professional football player plans to have his left ring finger amputated in order to attempt to improve his game.

Brett Backwell, who plays Australian rules football for Glenelg, a suburb of the city of Adelaide in South Australia state, told the Australian Broadcasting Corp. he has suffered from pain and restricted movement since he broke his left ring finger three years ago.

Doctors had suggested fusing the bones in the finger, but Backwell rejected the proposal.

He said he believed that amputating the finger was the only way to stop the pain and allow him to keep playing.

“To chop a finger off, that’s a bit drastic,” Backwell told the ABC. “But I love my footy (football), and love playing sport, and if that’s going to help me to succeed at this level then it’s something you’ve just got to do.” — Associated Press

So instead of following actual medical advice to have his finger repaired, he’s going to have it cut off. Brett Backwell therefore qualifies as today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

I’m afraid that police don’t generally release the names of people who make 911 calls, so I don’t know who to blame for this.

Last weekend, the Ramada Inn in Janesville, Wis., held a Star Wars convention. As you can imagine, people showed up in full costume for the event.

One of the vendors came fully dressed as a Stormtrooper.

Police responded to an armed robbery call at the hotel from today’s Stupid Person of the Day, who obviously missed the big sign out front about the convention, but who can hardly be forgiven for missing everyone else in the hotel in Star Wars dress.

The alleged suspect was dressed as a Stormtrooper, a soldier for the Galactic Empire in the science fiction movie series “Star Wars.”

“Apparently some people who saw him felt there was a threat,” said Sgt. Kay Nikolaus of the Janesville Police Department.

The Stormtrooper was really a vendor participating in the weekend convention, held annually at the Ramada Inn, said Joann Lewandowski, who lives with event organizer Ray Norton. — Janesville Gazette

Next time you see Stormtroopers at a Star Wars convention, call Luke Skywalker, not the police.

It’s Stupid Sports Team of the Day today, I think.

On a dare, a Florida Marlins batboy tried to drink a gallon of milk in under an hour without throwing up. But not only did the batboy not succeed in the challenge, his mere attempt cost him his job for six games, the Miami Herald reported Wednesday.

The Marlins suspended the unidentified batboy for the team’s upcoming six-game homestand against the Cardinals and Mets from Aug. 28 through Sept. 4 for accepting the dare Sunday from Dodgers pitcher (and former Marlin) Brad Penny. . . .

“It’s kind of ridiculous that you get a 10-game suspension for steroids and a six-game suspension for milk,” Penny told the Herald. — ESPN

Oh, by the way, you can’t drink a gallon (3.79L) of milk in an hour without throwing up.

You’ve always wanted to be on reality TV. You sent applications to TV networks, but never got accepted. You just have to get on TV and make a fool of yourself, but you haven’t gotten any acceptance letter from Big Brother yet. What is a Middle America Television Slave Zombie to do?

Hire a consultant to get you on TV. That’s right, pay money to make yourself look like an idiot! Woohoo!

There is a new site that, for $25 a year, will try to get you on TV. Just jot down all your exotic qualities (TV likes people who have nipple piercings) and a bunch of execs will comb through the database of applicants for the right kind of idiots. You know, one black guy, one jew, and twenty blonde retards. Then they’ll contact you and get you on TV. Nothing could be easier!

Millions of Americans apply every year to be on Reality Television for personal fulfillment, to find love, change careers, or simply to experience a once in a lifetime opportunity. RTVStar.com provides you with the most simple, yet sophisticated, way to pursue your RTV dream.

HA! How very sad. Today’s stupid people are the losers paying to get on reality TV.

[Editor's note: Cross-posted by original author.]

Last Tuesday evening, Cleber Dos Santos, 29, of Framingham, Mass., was jumping on his three-foot (1m) high trampoline, and suddenly decided to dive headfirst into the two-foot (60cm) high inflatable swimming pool standing next to it.

“He’s alive, and we’ll pray for his recovery,” said Framingham Police Lt. Vincent Alfano. “It was a very preventable accident. You should not dive into 2 feet of water . . . it serves as a serious reminder of diving safety and trampoline safety.” — Boston Herald

Santos broke his fifth cervical vertebra - an injury which means his spine should be functional above the fifth vertebra, giving him some upper body movement, according to a local physical therapist. — Boston Herald follow-up

Today’s Stupid Person of the Day, unfortunately, is likely to spend the rest of his life paralyzed.

The current bid for a piece of whole-grain toast on eBay is $72.00, and it’s expected to rise even higher.

At least 14 Harry Potter fans have been involved in a bidding war over a piece of toast with an image of book character Aldus Dumbledore obviously carved into it.

There will probably be many more stupid people bidding before the auction ends in about two days.

Now, where did I put my toaster? I think it’s going to pop out some toast with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named on it.

Update August 2: eBay has wised up and pulled the auction listing. Sorry!

At Defcon 13, easily the largest annual hacker convention being held this weekend in Las Vegas, you will find in the chill-out room one of the walls is covered with a projected image from a nearby computer of the “Wall of Sheep,” an ongoing listing of people at the conference who didn’t take proper security measures to prevent their username and password from being captured by hackers.

Only a small part of the password is actually posted, but enough is there that when you see it, you will know it’s yours. And God forbid, if you actually see your own picture there, perhaps you aren’t smart enough to be there.

Today’s lesson is: if you walk into a hacker convention, expect somebody to be hacking. And if you’re a sheep, don’t go into the wolves’ den.

The Samaritans of Greater Boston provided new road signs to Massport for use on the Tobin Bridge to deter suicide jumpers, but the signs have the wrong number.

The organization’s 24-hour suicide hotline is reachable at 617-247-0220. The phone number posted on the new blue signs is off by one digit. — Boston Herald

The signs which the Samaritans provided show 617-247-0270, which is disconnected. The Samaritans get the Stupid award today for failing to look at the new signs before they went up.

Update July 31: If you need help, anywhere in the U.S., call 1-800-SUICIDE.

The Professional Association of Teachers wants to ban the use of the word “fail” in UK schools, replacing it with the phrase “deferred success.”

We recognise that children do not necessarily achieve success first time. . . . But I recognise that we can’t just strike a word from the dictionary. — PAT spokesperson

This politically correct speech thing has really gotten out of hand. Our children do not need to be misled by terms such as “deferred success,” which imply that she may get it right the next time. She may not. How long shall success be deferred, and do you really think the child will not catch on? Children aren’t stupid, at least not until they’ve been through the public education system. This will just make them even dumber.

A woman in Palermo, Italy, paid €50,000 (US$60,000) to a couple who had convinced her they were vampires and would otherwise impregnate her with the son of the Anti-Christ.

The couple, who was not identified, fleeced the victim of €3,000 (US$3,600) each for pills they convinced her would abort the Anti-Christ’s son over a period of four years.

More information from Reuters newswire.

The also unidentified victim is today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

The naked tickler has been breaking into Florida residents’ houses and tickling women’s feet as they sleep. Police “don’t have a lot to go on.”

Investigators have been working on five similar, unsolved cases since 2001. Most of the victims are women over age 60, said police Cmdr. Wade Kirby. — Associated Press

An initiative in San Bernardino County aims to bring Ebonics into the classroom. The pilot program will teach second, fourth and seventh grade students about black history and culture.

Mary Texeira, sociology professor at Cal State in San Bernardino, commended the school board for approving the policy.

Texeira suggested that including Ebonics in the program would be beneficial for students. Ebonics, a dialect of American English that is spoken by many blacks throughout the country, was recognized as a separate language in 1996 by the Oakland school board.

“Ebonics is a different language, it’s not slang as many believe,” Texeira said. “For many of these students Ebonics is their language, and it should be considered a foreign language. These students should be taught like other students who speak a foreign language.”

Teresa Parra, board vice president, said she worried the new program would have an adverse effect.

“I’m afraid that now that we have this the Hispanic community, our largest population, will say, ‘We want something for us.’ Next we’ll have the Asian community and the Jewish community (asking for their own programs). When will it end?” — San Bernardino County Sun

On this one, I think I’ll let you decide who’s stupid.

In Fresno, Calif., on April 29, 11 year old Maribel Cuevas was being harassed by some schoolyard bullies throwing water balloons and rocks at her. She threw a rock back at one of them, and now faces charges of felony assault.

The rock hit 9 year old Elijah Vang in the head. When Cuevas saw he was bleeding and summoned help, police came in three patrol cars and a helicopter to arrest her, even though Vang admitted to starting the fight.

“She’s 11 … they’re treating her like she’s a violent parole offender,” said attorney Richard Beshwate, Jr., who is defending Cuevas.

News coverage is available from KFSN ABC 30 and Associated Press.

So now defending yourself is a crime in this country? Your Stupid People of the Day are Fresno police chief Jerry Dyer, who said that officers were justified in charging Cuevas with a felony, and Fresno County assistant DA Bob Ellis, who is prosecuting the case, even though Vang’s family is not interested in pressing charges.

Moises Hernandez, 19, of Chicago, a U.S. Marine, had his cousin shoot him in the leg so as to avoid having to be sent back to Iraq.

Hernandez is back with his unit at Camp Pendleton, Calif., and the Marines are investigating the incident. His unit had returned June 5 from a six-month deployment that included a month in Iraq. — Fox News

He has been charged by civilian authorities with filing a false police report, but I expect that the Marines will be much harder on him.