A Colombian soldier went absent without leave, got drunk, and threw a grenade into a street party, killing five people, including a seven year old boy, according to military and civilian authorities.

The soldier went absent without leave from his base in the southwestern province of Huila and got drunk in the town of El Jardin before detonating the grenade, said an official at the nearby municipality of San Jose de Isnos.

Five people were killed and eight injured in the incident, the official said.

The army arrested the soldier and began a criminal investigation under military law, an army spokesman said. — The Australian

Everyone knows that alcohol makes you stupid. Mix in some grenades, and you have a recipe for disaster.

Thanks to a misprint on an anti-social behaviour order, an Alnwick, Northumberland, U.K., teenager was ordered to drink in public and to act in a threatening manner.

Angered by his unruly, boozed-up behaviour, police had hoped magistrates would punish the youth for breaching his Asbo. He hadn’t.

Closer examination revealed that he had mistakenly been ordered not to be in public “without” alcohol and that he was also duty bound to act in a threatening manner likely to cause harassment, alarm and distress to others.

After the boy escaped punishment as a result of the misprint, the officials behind the mistake were asked to deliver a new Asbo with more appropriate wording, the Daily Mirror reported. — BBC Magazine

Usually, such orders are intended to restrain people from committing anti-social behavior, not to require it. (Via Hit and Run.)

An unidentified man in Exeter, N.H., got drunk one night and had a padlock locked around his testicles by one of his friends. Then the key broke off in the lock and this idiot waited two weeks before calling for help.

Police have not identified the 39-year-old man, but said that after the key broke off, he tried sawing the lock off with a hacksaw.

He was taken to Exeter Hospital, where a locksmith removed the padlock. He was treated and released, and the hospital said he had no lasting injury.

Police said that they did not know the motive for the incident. — Internet Broadcasting Systems

Now I don’t know about you, but I not only wouldn’t let a hacksaw anywhere near my testicles in the first place, I wouldn’t let a padlock anywhere near them either, no matter how drunk I was. Oh, and the motive is pretty obvious. As soon as police identify him, please mail a brand new padlock to today’s Stupid Person of the Day to replace the one destroyed in this incident.

Thanks to The Jawa Report.

A 52-year-old woman from Dania Beach, Fla., was arrested Wednesday for attempting to open the exit door on a United Airlines flight as it was descending into Seattle-Tacoma International Airport.

She failed to open the exit door of the Boeing 737, but did set off a warning light in the cockpit.

A flight attendant was able to persuade the woman to return to her seat, and the plane landed safely.

Police have not yet released the name of today’s Stupid Person of the Day.

More news coverage from the Associated Press.

This guy in Memphis, Tenn., (pictures not safe for work) stuck a lit firework between his butt cheeks and waited for it to go off…

Then, when it did go off, the idiot leans back and holds it in place!

Contributed by Jennifer.

Melissa Irene Tanner, 37, of Dewey, Okla., gave birth while drunk on 30 June to a baby girl. Tanner had been drinking throughout her pregnancy, and the baby is suffering from fetal alcohol syndrome.

According to the [probable cause] affidavit, deputies reported that upon entering Tanner’s hospital room, “a strong odor of an intoxicating beverage was immediately present upon entering the room.” They further reported that when speaking to Tanner, “her speech was slurred or thick, (and) her eyes appeared slightly red.” — Bartlesville Examiner-Enterprise

The baby is in specialized foster care and Tanner is in jail on child neglect charges.

A man visiting the zoo in Cherkassy, Ukraine, jumped a bear cage and tried to attack a bear. Drunk at the time, the unidentified man pretended to be a bear trainer. The bear wasn’t fooled and attacked him, and he is at a local hospital in critical condition.

Jose Raul Lemos, of Los Angeles, and his 19-month-old daughter, were shot and killed today when he engaged in a gun battle with Los Angeles police.

Lemos was reportedly intoxicated on drugs and alcohol at the time, firing at officers with a 9mm handgun and a shotgun, and officers returned fire in self-defense.

More from Associated Press

This guy is definitely Stupid Person of the Day for getting his daughter killed.